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3 Bosses to go and the Credit Crunch has yet to take it’s toll on our enjoyment of the game! Iceland may have gone down but AoE is still moving on strongly… However we all have to take precautions at such a difficult time in our lives and therefore we had to devise a new system of injecting money into the guild. Some of the past successes we have had are the following: - Rinoul shaving Dogs balls for a Guinness record (She managed 1.2 million dogs shaved in 5 hours, 52 minutes and 14 seconds)
- Ninahotrod, washing cars completely naked on the streets of Azeroth. We did receive one complaint from an angry passer by who mistook Nina’s rear end for that of Rolf Harris and went to shake his hand…only it turned out that what the person thought was Nina’s hand turned out to be Nina’s Colostomy bag (Easy and messy mistake to make)
- Archlych offering tips on “How not to DPS” at the local church. This was a massive event as he is world famous for his lacklustre DPS and overall damage the turn out was HUGE!!. (Ignore WoWWebstats, they must be wrong ffs)
Those are just some of the tried and tested and very successful ways we have created Revenue for the guild. But as mentioned earlier these times are becoming difficult. It’s Christmas in a few weeks and people are all expecting big flashy presents. You can see it in their eyes when people talk to an Ascendants Of Evil member “Ohhh he must be minted, look at his shoes!...I bet they give out good Christmas presents” Now I’ve said it time and time again, we always try to live up to our standards and never disappoint and to maintain our reputation we decided to do the following: Host our very own X-Factor Naxxramas!!!!!!!!!!
On the panel is Tamerlane. He is a silent person, never speaks on Vent but likes to think he does good DPS. Also on the panel is Byanka. RICCKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! (You foreign bastards prob don’t get that little joke!) And finally there is Me, Macca. Yes, Yes I can see the similarities with Simon Cowell. Wealth, Wit, Knowledge, talk sense at all times but I’m set to be the manager of the group, so it is to be expected. Well anyhow we decided to host our auditions in Dragonblight at the Local Naxxramas theatre. The turnout wasn’t what we were expecting as only 15 people turned up for the Auditions but we decided to go ahead with the auditions regardless. 1st up was Anub’rekhan. Chubby guy, very similar to Barry White. We were hoping that when he opened his mouth the same tone as Mr White would escape, the women of the guild would lose control of them selves and want to have sex with his seducing voice…..But it wasn’t to be. His breath was appalling. Everytime he opened his mouth, little flies would come flying out and just silence the Panel. Shocking. To make matters worse he brought his own Spikes to juggle…but ended up throwing them towards the audience and he actually impaled one of the unsuspecting audience.. 2nd up was Grand Widow Faerlina The 1st Girl group of the night. She may be old and without a chin, but from somewhere she delivered the voice……of a Monster! To look at she would probably float anyone’s boat from the back, but as soon as she is facing you, her eyes looking into yours it’s game over. They opened with the classic Country and Western song ‘Ring Of Fire’ by Johnny Cash and from the start it looked like this could be a good show. She was hurling fire down from the sky but from out of nowhere she just got angry and enraged at the panel. It took one of her band members to try and calm her down, but that only lasted for 90 seconds or something until she erupted again. Another band member tried a different approach and BLEW HERSELF UP!!! We had to call it to an end as lives were at stake. 3rd up was Maexxna There were problems even before Maexxna walked onto the stage and these problems continued throughout the performance. Each and every applicant is interviewed before setting foot on the stage, and the questions asked are then supplied to the judges for research and to form a quick opinion. All was going well and here was the information obtained: Children : Few Hundred
Residence : Corner of the wall in Naxxramas
Legs : 8
Favourite Meal : Flies
Worst place : Water Spout As you can see, the pieces were slowly joining together and when Tamerlane realised he would be facing a spider, he shot up on the table screaming like a girl. If it wasn’t thanks to Tiwwue a new female member of the guild telling him it would be ok, Maexxna would have failed his audition without opening his mouth. It was quite an emotional performance from Maexxna who informed the panel that he was singing for his long, dear friend Incey Wincey. They used to be best friends as children, but sadly Incey was killed in a water accident when trying to climb up a spout to spy on the neighbours money spider who was supposedly “hanging around the bath, naked” Noth, Heigan, Loatheb, Razuvious, Gothik, Gluth, Patchwerk, and the Dutch sensations ‘The 4 Horsemen’ all disappointed too. There was some controversy involving Grobbulus. It came to our attention from Scorillos that Grobbulus was infact a Nazi, and we never tolerate any form of racism or sexism in the guild or to be associated with the guild. And we quickly escorted him out of the building and then stuck a sword in his face. To cut a long, tedious and I bet you are thinking boring story short…we have yet to find anyone of AoE calibre. Hope is not lost however as we still have 3 applicants awaiting their turn, but if it stays the way it is I’ll just have to make an all girl band with Anaksunamun, Pheylia, Tiwwue, Rinoul, Urdur, Exquisit, Gea and dress them in next to nothing. Infact…that’s probably the best thing to do. Going to have to hold a casting couch I think involving bikini’s, Body Oil and Wrestling…. Stay Tuned! |
Now you may actually be wondering why we decided to take this route 1st, so I will explain our reasons.
