We are currently looking for new members of the following classes:
Druid:
Medium
Notes:
1x Feral Tank.1x Resto, 1x Boomkin
Hunter:
High
Notes:
2x
Mage:
Closed
Paladin:
Closed
Priest:
Low
Notes:
1x Shadow
Rogue:
Low
Shaman:
High
Notes:
1x Resto Shaman
Warlock:
High
Notes:
1x DPS Machine
Warrior:
Low
Notes:
1x DPS
Notes:
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Archimonde / Kalecgos / Brutallus - DEAD
Written by Administrator
Wednesday, 29 October 2008 03:14
With a few of us having the itch for raiding we decided to venture into a joint raiding schedule with Unwise Elders, a casual raiding guild.
We've done a few Black Temple runs and killed up-to but not including Reliquary Of Souls. We also cleared Mount Hyjal with a nice Archimonde Kill. Anyhow, we thought we would go try our luck in Sunwell after slaying Archimonde in MH and fancied a change of scenery.
On only our 2nd night in there we killed: Kalegcos and Brutallus.
Another worthy mention is the following night we attempted Felmyst and wiped......at 0.0000000001% We screwed in the very last Breath, which turned half the raid into Mind controlled freaks...resulting in a pretty much instant wipe. All we had to do was survive that 1 wave, wait for it to land and get a few hits on it and we'd have another Kill on our hands. Ahh well shit happens.
We will be continue raiding with Unwise Elders until WOTLK as we are still not officially a raiding guild. At the rate we are going we will hopefully see all possible boss encounters in the Burning Crusade.
Last Updated ( Wednesday, 29 October 2008 03:44 )
Death Knights Introduction
Written by Administrator
Monday, 13 October 2008 14:31
Last Updated ( Monday, 13 October 2008 21:01 )
Shop Opens
Written by Macca
Thursday, 02 October 2008 01:14
It’s Official and it is here!
Ascendants Of Evils SHOP is LIVE!!
“About Bloody Time!!!” I can hear you all shouting, and I understand your desires to have an AoE product in the home. Please understand that we take pride in the quality of our products and this has resulted in the time it has taken us to finally get these beauties through the post and onto your doorstep!
Working alongside 100 starved Chinese children working for 10p a week. We can now produce and supply every single member of Earth with these products. And if we can’t? Well one of those 100 little children will be killed. Simple. That’s a Guarantee if I’ve ever seen one!
A catalogue showcasing all our items will be issued within the next few weeks, but until then I am going to direct your attention out some of our proudest products.
Brief news as it is late and I am tired, but I will get back to this and write up a big post! After a few weeks of no progress due to our Holiday and also our Tanks having real life crisis, we pulled everyone together and achieved what we knew we could do!
The mambo frontend is playing up atm so I will just have to paste the Screenshots of the kill here:
1 Year to this day! Who would have thought eh?! The founders are hopefully still alive to celebrate the 1 year of the guild! That is if we haven't died from Alcohol poisoning or a JetSki accident! have a party without us ya miserable bastards! And no we will not play spin the bottle for crying out loud! We only have 2 women in the guild! and there's no way we are passing them around between 30+ men!....Though I'll have 1st dibs if you do.
Void Reaver - 2nd Horde Server 1st!
Written by Administrator
Thursday, 21 June 2007 07:15
Will update this later tonight as Currently sorting out Packing for the FOUDNERS Holiday! Oh yes! Spain here we come! 2 Weeks!
Last Updated ( Monday, 18 August 2008 23:51 )
Magtheridon Killed!
Written by Administrator
Monday, 04 June 2007 23:21
As most of us are no lifers, we often have to pay for sex, watch it on TV and if we want to date a woman/man we have to sign up for websites and hope that some mentalist will click our picture and check us out.
Our resident ‘joke’ of the guild, Boneshadow has been unlucky in love for the past 19 years of his life. In fact make that 20 if you disregard the fling he had with his mothers draft excluder. He was getting himself down, often crying on teamspeak in that annoying brummie accent he has, so we knew we had to do something to make him shut the hell up. We are a caring bunch in this guild, and when one Guild member is down then that means it’s up to the guild to set him straight and back on the road to recovery. We had a few sittings with him on Teamspeak, finding out his desires/wishes/fantasies/dreams in life and it became apparent that the solution to all of his problems was to find him love.
He told us of the moment he nearly ran away with the draft excluder. Plans to setup home on a remote island and caress his adoring love like your dog does at your grandmas….”Oh look he’s wrestling it”….sick. It was all tear rendering stuff….tears of hilarity! A Man……In Love with a Draft excluder!!!!
Anyhow….
We all agreed that we must find him love. He loved Women. He loved World Of Warcraft. He loved talking to Major Domo before anyone was ready. We put all these things into consideration and it resulted in :
Finding Boneshadow an in game love conquest!
We toured the land, from Azeroth, Molten Core, Zul Gurub even all the way back to RageFire Chasm. We nearly had 1 disaster when Boneshadow thought he could tank a level 13 instance at level 70…HE’S A DRUID FOR CHRIST SAKE! DRUIDS CAN NOT TANK, NOW INNERVATE ME!
Our 1st choice was the adorable Rinoul. Now in this story please do not let the fact she is Danish have any impact on your perception of her. We can all learn to love the Danish. I understand that it is a hard thing for me to ask, but for the sake of this story just push it to the back of your mind. That’s right, sit it alongside the KKK and being turned on by scenes from ‘Hostel’.
Rinoul is single. She’s Female. She’s a MILF as described by SkScotchegg numerous times on Teamspeak. When the clock strikes 12, she turns into a monster! Sadly however she quickly ruled herself out and flatly denied any coercion from myself to meet Boneshadow.
With the disappointment of our 1st ever Guild romance, we were all out of Ideas. No one in their right mind would want to date someone from Birmingham! It would be ludicrous!
Then the clouds parted, the sun shone from above and it was during a herbing session of Hellfire Peninsula that the answers to our problems was somewhere below Hellfire Citadel! It was if someone from above was shining light on our predicament, and now shining it on the Citadel!
It was here I stumbled on an advert just outside the citadel. It read:
Birmingham Female seeking Birmingham Druid to have annoying children, that you just want to throttle when they talk. (Ok I added most of the end of that but the 1st part was true)
I snatched up the advert, raced to shattrah to find Boneshadow pretending he was a pidgeon. I showed him the picture and I could see the look of love in his eyes. It was as if I had shown him his 1st born. It was as if I had shown him the secret to the world!
HE WAS IN LOVE!
Now men listen up. I know you will all agree with me here that women are difficult things to understand. “Does my arse look big in this?” Yes it does, you’re a dragon! And then they go all moody. That women are surrounded by their friends, and to get to the prize you have to impress her friends.
We weren’t planning on her having so many friends to break down, but in total she had 5 of the annoying gits. But we prevailed!
These were the drops:
We then decided to pay a visit to Serpent Shrine Cavern where we got 3 Epic Drops and 3x Nether Vortex Drops!
We have put our names in the History books!
Sadly I didn’t fraps it, however Grievance did (I wanna know why Jabba The Hutt is in your vids!)- Grievances Video
Big Brother Karazhan 2.1
Written by Administrator
Friday, 25 May 2007 22:38
Big Brother Karazhan 2.1!
Like any good TV show there is always a 2nd season. Take for example Sopranos now in its 6th season, or Scrubs in it’s 6th also. Then we have lost that has just finished season 3 and will shortly be on Season 4. There is 1 TV show in the AoE household that we never fail to watch and that is the enormous hit “Big Brother Karazhan”. Revamped contestants, new doors and more double beds are on offer from this global hit hopping to entice the WoW addict.
The new gameshow however has an added twist, the person who is voted off isn’t told to walk out of the doors, wave at the crowd, have an interview and review their time in the Karazhan house……They are killed!
So like the guy at the opera event says “ON WITH THE SHOW!”
Day 1 Wednesday – 20:15pm
AoE are in the kitchen. Attumen the Huntsmen is in the stables with his horse. Moroes is making the dinner, a nice warm pie accompanied with a red wine. After washing the dishes, AoE decide to go help Attumen in the stables. What they witnessed they will all take to their graves. Attumen was perched up on a stool behind midnight, the Karazhan horse. The noise coming from Midnight could in no way be described as pleasure, more like a dying scream. Eyes watering, lubrication applied, Attumen hot and bothered. Some animal sex was going on :S The Blizzard producers were hoping on some rampant sex but they never imagined that it would involve beastiality! They would have turned a blind eye if it was Druid on Druid, but man and horse is just too far! TOO GODDAMN FAR!
As a result of the levels of depravity, AoE slaughtered Attumen after the viewers had phoned in to have Attumen removed from the house. The killing was an average kill and the house was rewarded with the following for their weekly shopping budget:
It was a late evening meal for the Big brother contestants. Moroes had spent most of the day whipping it up and he had a surprise for the household. Hiku is a vegetarian but unbeknownst to him Moroes had put a varied selection of meat into the ‘Soup of the Day’ Moroes was using it as an experiment to see if anyone would notice or if he could get away with it. It was part of his master plan to get all vegetarians to start eating like normal people! None of this “they are living creatures” crap most vegetarians spout out or like SkScotchegg says “I had a dream where a cow spoke to me and told me to stop eating meat”. Those days would be numbered.
Everyone took their place at the table and began to tuck in, but it didn’t take too long for Hiku to notice after finding the wishbone of a chicken from the Sethekk Halls instance inside his ‘Moroes Wonder’ soup.
Forks, Spoons, Ladels, Underpants, Earbuds went flying across the table. It didn’t stop me finishing off my meal because I have to give some credit to Moroes as it was delicious, however it turned ugly, more ugly than Bragomirs face…even to the extent that someone was going to die. Maybe it wasn’t a fair fight because we were trying to kill that which was already dead…oh and it was 10 against 5 but once it all kicked off, it had to be finished. Few shackles here, dps over there, little bit of Footsie under the table involving Blaester and Kempachi. The veggies who were watching the TV Show at home, quickly showed their disapproval of Moroes actions and condemned him to death. AoE gladly obliged.
Day 1 – Wednesday 22:00
With 2 people already evicted, or should I say “Annhi laa tid” if you are Scorillo..COME ON SON! It became apparent that there was a new favourite in the house. Past history had shown that the Maiden Of Virtue was quite a goer and often teased the household with her sexuality. She had become a firm favorite with the viewing public, often taking showers near enough naked but leaving just the right amount of clothes to illicit some usage of imagination. This was something that the viewers had enjoyed but after 2 hours of teasing it becomes tiresome and what had worked FOR her was now working AGAINST her! 99% of the votes received that night for the next eviction was reportedly by men and they just wanted to see the bitch dead. AoE were on a role and 1 by 1 the contestants were going down and there was hopefully going to be 1 winner.
Day 1 -Wednesday 22:20
More action for the household and the Blizzard producers decided to spring a surprise on the household. Every year they tend to do the same thing, someone gets evicted and then they bring in a new face. Sadly however their choice this time was a bad one. They clearly didn’t learn anything from the Attumen beastiality encounter but rather than steer clear of more animals they decide to bring in a transvestite wolf that dresses up as an old woman who also has pedophilic tendancies!
It was a ratings disaster and it has gone down in the big brother history as the fastest Introduction/Eviction. As soon as he was in, he was out. As a guild we can tolerate a Transvestite. We all love Eddie Izzard and we also know that NinaHotRod is a Tranvestite (What sort of a name is that anyhow!).
We were all scarred by the sexual antics of atumen but even that is nothing compared to a man that gets off with dressing people as schoolgirls/Littlegirls and playfully chasing them around the room. It’s sick, twisted and we as a guild DO NOT stand for it.
So we killed him. Swift, concise. If we were to be described as a film it would be ‘Leon’
Day 1 – Wednesday – 23:13
The last eviction of the night involved probably the most boring contestant out of them all. No one likes a ‘know it all’ and one who just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on….about Books, paintings…well they don’t stand a chance really. The strange thing about this eviction was the events leading up to it. It was during the daily task that it was evident that something had been changed. The trash leading up to the eviction were insanely easier compared to the previous season. Two hits and they disappeared. The viewing public felt cheated. They believed they were in for a treat of watching little fishy things killing a few orcs/Undead. What they expected to happen didn’t happen.
The customer is always right, and it was the viewers paying for the show. They dialed in, called for Curators head and again the member of AoE did what was required. Sit down!
Check back for more news on the latest Big Brother Karazhan 2.1. (or basically when I can be bothered to write up the remainder :P) Expect to see the 1st guild Illhoof killshot, sex, drugs and rock and roll! Viewer discretion is advised!
Gruuls Lair!
Written by Administrator
Monday, 07 May 2007 11:03
Oh yes! We are no amongst the Jedi knights of this world after finally killing Gruul. We were always confident of getting the bastard down sometime during the week, especially after our bad luck on the Wednesday nights raid. Here’s a tip to all guilds, do not attempt this boss if you have 10 minutes before the mobs respawn.
Wednesday night we had him to 5%, about 3 people dead and everyone had sufficient mana….then all of a sudden everyone is being 1 shotted by 3 Warrior brutes who had somehow escaped through the bars. They must have had a body shifting form like something out of the X-men, because there is no way they could squeeze their fat bellies between the bars.
Anyhow back we went on Sunday. Preparation was a big factor in this and it made our confidence sky high. All Guild members were told to go to the video store and purchase the film ‘Star Wars – Return Of The Jedi”
The reason for this? Well it’s pretty obvious. Luke Skywalker was the GALAXIES 1st ever player to kill Gruul. He was a member of the Alliance guild ‘Jedi Knights’ founded by Yoda. Luckily the kill was frapsed and is available to buy from all good retailers. What makes it even more shocking is that it has took nearly 24 years for someone else to kill him…but we can finally say we have done him!
In the Film you can see the technique used by Luke to kill Gruul Aka ‘Rancor Monster’. A sneaky use of “letting someone else take the hits” to give a slight distraction and then followed closely by ramming a BONE into his mouth allowed Luke to succeed.. We didn’t have every tool available but we just had to make do with what we had.
The distraction part would be played by our Rogues. The bone rammed into his mouth would be played by the one, the only BONEshadow (Can u see what I did there?) And the Door landing on his head would be played by all the members!
And that’s all I can be bothered to write you ‘fuck sicks’
Words of Wisdom – 2 Fingers is not enough, 3 Fingers expect an explosion (Scorillos version is too rude for a family orientated website)
Nightbane - The Talking Dragon
Written by Administrator
Sunday, 29 April 2007 18:32
Back in 1982 Knight Rider was the king of the TV shows. The TV show brought great success to it’s stars who went onto greater things. The man with the afro created a perverts paradise with bikini clad females. The talking car KITT went on to do Commercials, Movie voice-overs and also Pornos but sadly committed suicide by gassing himself due to the troubles the threat of electric cars brought him.
This success however was only seen in England and America and possibly in Russia, though we still are not sure whether Bragomir’s parents could afford a TV at the time. Due to the differences in Culture, the Romanians had their own version of Knight Rider. Gone were the bright lights, the glitz and glamour and in was the insane storylines, talking animals and a monkey that danced to claps. Scorillo a fat bastard romanian member of our guild used to train the monkey to dance and in episode 20, series 1 he had to actually wear a monkey suit to fill in when the monkey failed to turn up after a long night with strippers.
In their version, which was titled “Cosmaru Noptii” or as we know it “Nightbane” it featured a talking dragon that would fly around the lands solving crime. Some times he would drive depending on whether his arthritis was playing up, but for the most parts he would fly or ‘Zbor’. Much like the American counterpart, the show featured a talking car, however it wasn’t called KITT but SHIT. The show was a national sensation and in Romania there is a Cosmaru Noptii day.
Sadly the pressures of fame brought a downfall to the show, and the once popular Icon was hidden away from the world. If he would leave his house people would point and laugh and throw posters of Knight Rider at his feet. Feeling under rated he accepted that he was nothing special and stayed away from the limelight. We don’t appreciate it when people do not stand up for what they believe in. We also don’t appreciate a talking dragon in a goddamn TV Show so someone has to pay….and Nightbane is our target.
AoE’s detectives have been on the case as per usual and using our great skills we have yet again tracked down this recluse. We put the law into our own hands and we want to stop the memory of Nightbane to ever reappear in the minds of the fools who used to watch his show and celebrate the day. The only way we can do this is to Kill the bastard and also burn every single VHS tape (If you are Romanian and you have any of these shows on tape, please get in touch and we can arrange something)
After getting the quests complete that would allow us to summon him, we assembled a strong team and in we went. 1x Warrior, 1x Rogue, 1x Warlock, 1x Mage, 1x Hunter, 2x Priests, 1x Paladin, 1x Druid was the lineup.
The fellow Romanians of the guild had sent us a dossier on Nightbane including things we should look for and try to exploit. The list was as follows:
In episode 15, series 5 he is nearly killed by a 12ft Bee. Wearing Black and Yellow clothes will bring back memories. Standing near his balls can cause him to get scared and he will often fear to make sure no one is going to pluck them (Source from Scorillo). Be aware of constant fearing brought on especially by rogues.
Anyhow to cut a long story short we killed him, used some tricks from the TV Shows and then stole his Epics. Great work as always guys, was an awesome week for raiding.
Netherspite - Operation Perversion
Written by Administrator
Saturday, 14 April 2007 15:32
Mission - Kill Netherspite, Obtain his Telescope and use it to watch night elves undress.
Like a turd that just won't flush, netherspite was finally thrown to the fishes/Crocodiles/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the sewer in great style! Protuding from within it's circular room, Netherspite patrolled like the Loch Ness monster probably does...though nessie isn't real...He can't be real.....WTF IS HE ANYWAY?....but just imagine it for this news article!
Our usual methods of Boss research was completely thrown out of the window and we had to improvise, refine and redevelop. Gone were the detectives watching every move. Ignored were the 'Google' searches for "Nessie Sightings" and we even had to ask Rinoul to stop herbing on Kalliomi as there was just too much spammage due to Gathererer that interrupted our thinking and tactical analysis.
With the distractions out of the way, we arranged a Teamspeak meeting. Everyone was to bring Digestive biscuits, a box of matches and a pair of wellies as Scientists have recently proven that a Hedgehog wearing wellies has a 90% greater chance of getting from one side of the road to the other. If wellies can help a Hedgehog, then just imagine the advantages they can have on us Brainiacs.
Gladly Rinoul and Hiku like to Farm Herbs, and being farmers they could equipt the entire guild in wellies or as you foreigners will only know them as 'Wellington Boots'. Sadly we ran out after 5 pairs, so we had to give Stillettos to Halfhornody and Ward. Scorillo caused a slight drama after he wanted the 5 inch heel milano blahnik's but we refused and made Danzig wear them. Danzig struggled to walk in them, fell over, stood on his Pet, which then bit him and as a result we had to get it put down or as we like to call it “Change your fecking Spec!!!” :D
After 10 cups of Absinthe (some with soggy biscuits in) we had finally formulated the perfect plan. If this plan would be a film it would be the Great Escape. If it was to be a porno it would be ‘Debbie Does Dallas’ and if it was a quote from a film it would be “Bullshit, I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose”
The plan was simple. Enter Karazhan. Portal to Shades room. Kill a few Trash. Kill Netherspite. Point the Telescope towards Iron Forge. Perve on the women. Jump over the fence on a Motor cycle. Have sex with some cheer leaders. Swear at guild members and call him useless bastards. Grab a few beers. Throw up in Orgrimmar.
Well the plan went perfectly and this is what he dropped!
Here’s the traditional Kill shot!
Last Updated ( Monday, 18 August 2008 21:37 )
Maulgar Dead!
Written by Administrator
Wednesday, 11 April 2007 06:49
A change of scenery brings a change of raiding! We finally ventured into our 1st 25 Man instance and not only did it introduce new challenges it also opened up the chance to relive some of that old Star Wars nostalgia that most of us have from our Childhood.
SkScotchegg had spent the majority of the week making sure he was above that 10k health that mages were supposed to have to tank Krosh Firehand. Zultorr and Pelim were also doing their homework…though why it involved ‘Bangkok Chickboys Volume 17 – The One with the Goldfish’ I will never know.
I keep mentioning it time and time again but as always we go through a rigorous process of researching into the mindset of the bosses we face. It’s not as simple as just going to Wowwiki, sticking in the bosses name, watching a few videos…no that’s the work of Amatuers.
We infiltrate their home, we get inside their head, we find out their likes and dislikes. We find out what makes them tick, what makes them get up in the morning and if you are Hiku you might get inside their knickers too. Every stone is turned over, every closet is opened and every bin bag is rummaged through. Some might call this perverted, some might call it a little over the top. However these people we are facing are criminals and to truly understand the inner workings of a WoW Boss, you have to go to such measures.
Here is the information we found out for each Add and Maulgar himself.
And last but not least....
Hiring a private investigator was definitely worth the money based on the information above as it led us to formulate a plan and strike at their weaknesses.
