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Notes:
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Rogue:
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Notes:
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Prince Malchezaar Dies 2x!
Written by Administrator
Saturday, 31 March 2007 00:20
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Thought I would post this quickly to inform all those lazy bastards who were in bed sleeping like little babies, that whilst you were fantasising about sleeping with your great grandmas dog.....People were being Killed. Now please don't confuse this with the latest episode of Lost, it has nothing to do with that. The only comparison to Lost you could make was Samtex wondering where Team Bambojambomalambo had dissapeared to, wandering around Karazhan trying to find us. You could actually hear him crying and shivering like a little school girl. Guess he never had a secret room behind the bookshelf in his house. Infact we don't even think he had a Bed, TV or clothes...he is German after all.
So where to begin. I will be brief as possible.
Team Alybongojeronimo killed Prince Malchezaar Team Bigjobbyblobby Killed Shade Of Aran and Prince Malchezaar.
That's right! We were thinking only 1 Prince bus would come...But 2 in the same night! Holy Shit!
Now I must warn you to calm down as that is alot of information to take in, and it's quite startling news but we now have 2 groups flying through karazhan. Think of all the Epics we will be getting shortly! We cannot wait to have a Paladin looking like one of the Teletubbies!
Gruul Raids are starting very soon so watch out High King Maulgar. We aren't interested in all this Race nonsense so just going to take our time and enjoy it.
Congratulations to Ward who obtained his Tier 4 Gloves from Curator tonight, Zultorr who obtained his Tier 4 Helm from the Prince and also to SkScotchegg who recieved his Tier 4 Helm also from prince.
Anyhow I will write a more thorough news article containing rude words, naked women and spatulas later today...if I can be bothered.
Curator Dead
Written by Administrator
Wednesday, 07 March 2007 02:32
As a guild we have a remarkable number of valuable antiques or priceless artefacts within. Take for example Rinoul, she is 86 years old and some would say a dinosaur. Then we have Krabat with his strange, almost alien like Head piece. And last but not least we have Grievance who wields the Hordes 1st ever Thunderfury.
Due to the wipes within Karazhan we need to fund the repair bills and what would be better than selling one of our items for a few thousand gold?. One answer could be buying cash on Ebay (We frown upon such activities). Another answer could be selling our bodies on the corners of Orgrimmar. Sadly we are already doing this and it isn’t generating much income.
This then only leaves us with the one prospect of selling our Antiques to the Karazhan museum.
So we boxed up the items, wrapped them in the ‘Shattrah Times’ news paper and off we went to the entrance of Karazhan. It was a new week for us and therefore we had to clear all the way up to the Curator, as well as take another trip to the Opera house to take part in that nights production. We were hoping for a repeat of the Big Bad Wolf but this time it was Romulo and Julianne.
It didn’t take us long to kill the 2 star-cross’d lovers and dish out the epics that they held. Congratulations to Grievance and Somberlain who received the following items.
Finally we came to our main destination. This was the man we had to convince so that he would give us the necessary cash to showcase our items within the Karazhan museum. We all believed it would be a walk in the park, fill in a few forms, sign the bottom and we would be walking away with a few thousand gold….sadly we were wrong.
You see the curator rules the roost when it comes to the Museum and we hadn’t expected him to be such a tough nut to crack. Not only was he stubborn, he was also a sly little bastard who would send his little pets onto us. Gladly as a guild AoE have a trick up their sleeve.
Back in 1974 on October 30th many of you oldies will remember the phenomenal fight involving Muhammad Ali and George Foreman the grill man. This was a fight to be remembered as it was the introduction of a technique called ‘Rope-a-Dope’. This style of fighting was……..you guessed it…developed by the boffins at the Ascendants Of Evil rope a Dope university. If it wasn’t for our genius then Muhammad Ali might not have beaten the GrillMeister and therefore we would not be able to use this technique on the Curator. Then again if Foreman would have won the world might not have had his Grill. Phew!
Using this information from almost 33 years ago we decided that we would take the hits, let the boss get weak and then hit him when his defences were down. We split into groups, making sure that everyone was nicely spread. This meant that his adds had to run for longer, weakening and allowing as few of us as possible to get hit. After studying videos on YouTube it became apparent that he was at his weakest when he was trying to Evocate. So we just soaked up the damage, took the hits and then as soon as he Evocated we went for the kill. Left Jab, Right Jab, Uppercut! It was working!
It took us 3 Rounds to finally nail him and it was a fantastic achievement for the Guild. Here’s the Kill shot!
We have now received our very 1st ever T4 and it went to Grievance, lucky sod!
We had heard that this event was quite easy. Some of us know how to play chess and others said you didn’t need ot know. Others wanted to know the tactic, but in the end we just said “Dive in and see what happens”. No one had a clue what was going on and everyone was doing their own thing. But gladly we were victorious and walked away with 1 Epic as we disenchanted the other. Nothing of great interest to say about this fight other than it is messy.
Slim Shady Dead
Written by Administrator
Wednesday, 28 March 2007 07:28
The Shade is Dead!
Slacking as per usual, the news is a few days, even weeks behind. For me personally it has been a nightmare 2 weeks. 1st Blizzard decide to screw in my account due to some technical difficulties regarding payments their side. Then once I get that sorted the power pack in my PC decides to go tits up and then 3rd I’m not present for the Shade Of Aran 1st kill therefore no picture…well until Grievance sent me his :P! But there is a reason for that as we now have 2 groups running simultaneously!
Well everything has calmed down now, PC is running fine and both groups we have running Karazhan are progressing nicely! The 1st team are now on the artist formerly known as Prince and will most definitely have him killed shortly.
And the 2nd team recently killed the ‘Curator’ and will be moving on further!
Onto the Kills:
Can the real ‘Slim Shady’ please stand up!? No he can’t cause we broke his bastards legs!
Another successful hit for the guild and this time it’s on the real Slim Shady. Working undercover with Eminem, the real slim Shady AKA Nielas Aran managed to fool a whole generation of youngsters by releasing a song he penned as a tongue in cheek joke.
As always we strive to get to the bottom of conspiracy theories, rumours that Marshall Mathers isn’t actually the real Slim Shady and it was during our investigation we found ourselves deeper within Karazhan.
So you heard it here first children - Nielas Aran is the Real Slim Shady, the shade of Aran AKA Shady!
No one likes to be made a fool especially not Mr.T!
With every mission we have to make sure that we take all the necessary precautions, follow protocol and make sure that the torture is as inhumane as possible. 10 of the sickest bastards we could find tooled up, oiled up, lubed up, fed up, climbed up and made their merry way towards the back entrance of Karazhan. Once our minds are set on the task at hand then there is no way of possibly stopping us.
In they went slowly dispatching the adds. Killing those fishy mobs that take upto 30 minutes to kill even when you have a rogue in the group. They then came to the Pop prodigy walking around aimlessly in his room with no windows. Shelf after shelf covered with books on topics such as:
Naked Mud Wrestling Tips and Tricks Guiness book of World Records David Hassellhoffs wonder years Dressed head to toe in a girly dress with his mullet of hair he didn’t notice our team as they entered through the door. It was a good job that the team had ‘Oiled Up’ because a few dabs of the oily stuff on the hinges allowed our silent entry.
Quickly assessing the situation the plan would unfold with relative ease. Everyone in, Nuke, Run from Blizzard, stop when in the fire, Nuke, Run from blizzard, run from Arcane explosion, Heal, Nuke, Pot, Dance, Banish, Nuke, Fear, Banish again, Polymporph, Drink, Healthstone, Nuke!!!!!
And that is exactly how it went down. This old timer who could only succeeded in the pop charts by hiring a younger, hipper rapper was now at our mercy. Once he was on his knees, bones shattered, muscles torn apart, ligaments saying hello to the books that adorned his sanctuary the group taunted him “Can the real Shady please stand up? Please stand up?” His only reply was to lie on his back, mutter the words “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you Meddling Kids!” and then he handed AoE the epics obviously hidden up his dress (No wonder he was walking funny)
We now have our sights set firmly on the charts again, this time it is the pint sized singer Prince…Formerly known as Malchezaar!
We’re coming for you ya little short arsed bastard! Oh yes! You’re Next!
Last Updated ( Monday, 18 August 2008 09:08 )
Big Bad Wolf - Not Bad Anymore!
Written by Administrator
Sunday, 04 March 2007 20:39
(Apologies for the Late news Update. I'm behind with the times but will have it all updated by the end of tomorrow! All our new Boss kills, everything) What was originally planned as a date for one AoE Member ended up being another boss kill accompanied with more Epics for others.
As mentioned in previous boss kills we suffer greatly from Alcohol abuse, but more often than not this has spurred us onto greater things. We have all been there, on the dance floor like Michael Jackson trying to impress the ladies only to be approached by an absolute stunner. You give her the once over as she slowly walks towards you. Her big hands, her big eyes, her big ears…. Lure you in closer. You think you have struck gold, hit the jackpot, won the lottery…..
However in the morning reality kicks in and you realize that it is not a woman lying next to but your father……still receiving counseling…..
Somberlain is a big fan of the myspace generation and he has been a regular poster. For his new years resolution he wanted to find himself a woman to settle down with, have kids and ultimately get them to farm herbs, cash and other items whilst he was at the pub. After 2 months of correspondence, flirting, web-camming (is that even a word?) Somberlain finally struck up the courage to ask ‘Grandma’ out for a date. Wanting to impress her with his intellectual prowess he invited her along to watch the Opera. He wasn’t too sure of the show that was on offer but he had a choice of:
To Somberlain’s surprise he was informed that ‘Grandma’ was actually starring in one of the productions. He wanted to show off his latest conquest and if she was the star attraction then he wanted to take 9 of his closest pals along for the ride. Somberlain was so excited and he spent most of the day in a dreamlike state imagining what role she was going to play. He had his legs and fingers crossed all evening hoping that his date was going to be playing Peter Pan as seen to the right.
We couldn’t let a fellow guildie down and we agreed to accompany him to the Opera house situated somewhere deep inside Karazhan. We had a few problems with the Ushers who wished to see our tickets but there wasn’t anything a few shadowbolts, Sinister strikes and a punch to the chin couldn’t sort out.
The problem with turning up slightly late meant that the best seats were taken. As usual we just want the best of the best and we decided that what could get any better than actually being on the stage, whilst the production was In full motion. So off we went around the back, down the stairs, up the top and towards the stage door.
This is where the night took a turn for the worse. We were finally introduced to ‘Grandma’ or as Somberlain calls her ‘His little bitch’ but something didn’t seem right. You could see the confusion in Somberlains face and then it finally struck him. All those images he had received in an email were fakes. The 2 months correspondence was a complete fabrication and this ‘Grandma’ person that stood before us had manipulated us to get what she/he wanted….. Food!
It was a sight for sore eyes watching our members running around like little children. It was quite an embarrassment for most involved but hey, sometimes you have to work up from the bottom, let your guard down and in the end we came out triumphantly.
As we predicted the bitch would go down! And down she went!
Somberlain was far from happy though, due to the night’s events and like any sadist would do he decided to take a souvenir of the Kill. He decided to take ‘Grandmas’ hand after deliberating over her Stilettos. He said he wanted them to put his ‘Flowers’ in but we all know what the real reason was.
Maiden Laid
Written by Administrator
Saturday, 24 February 2007 10:38
With the ever availability of Absinthe and the desire to escape the World….of Warcraft, pretty much every Ascendants Of Evil member is completely off their trolley by the time the clock strikes 8pm and the dwarfs have finished their nightly strip show (Excellent show I must add) Having a guild full of Drunken bastards does have its advantages however and they mainly come from the insane challenges that are set by each other.
Friday nights are always susceptible to over indulgence and once a few beers are downed along with mushrooms, Felweed and a Purple lotus then there is no stopping anyone when it comes to setting a challenge.
The gloves were off, the drink was being passed around and the 1st to speak up and challenge the pack was Bragomir. Bragomir is Russian. Some say he is the Russian vodka drinking specialist. Others call him a woman and Zanjiin a fellow Russian himself tends to call him ‘love puppy’…that could be the drink talking however.
Now Bragomir decided to show his pedigree by announcing that he could beat any man, woman or child to a fist fight. Skap was willing to accept the challenge but he later disconnected so we had to find a replacement. Up stepped Zultorr the hunter who had just emerged from his Mud Hut in the desert. He looked a little hot and bothered, sweaty, didn’t have any pants on and for some unknown reason his pet was walking very funny with a tear in its eye…
Bets were taken, arrangements were being made for a coffin for the loser but after all the planning…it was all for nothing. You see under the influence of alcohol and mushrooms we had not taken into consideration the following factors:
Alcohol Unskilled Unarmed Skill 2 Men who fight like Women.
As a result of this lack of calculation the fight lasted for over 2 hours. In the end we had to agree that there was no Victor and had to ask that they never fight in public again as it would be an embarrassment to the guilds name and image.
In our guild everyone thinks they are sexy, attractive and that they can win the heart of any Woman, Man, Animal, Hamster, Fish. It was during our time throughout Karazhan that we had been made aware of a woman known as the Maiden Of Virtue. For the uneducated folk (95% of this guild) I will add the following descriptions to help you understand where this challenge is heading
maid•en = a girl or young unmarried woman; maid. vir•tue = chastity; virginity: to lose one's virtue.
When any Hot blooded male hears that a woman is Unmarried and a Virgin, well it starts the bells ringing and immediately our 1st brain kicks into action.
Now most guilds boast about killing this boss and getting epics yet we see that as the easy route. It’s childs play. We wanted something more challenging. Something to separate the Men from the Boys! Our challenge was to BED the Maiden Of Virtue!
Alcohol releases people’s inhibitions, strikes away fear, rejection and introduces a confidence unparallel to anything known to man! 15 Shots of Absinthe would surely instill confidence that would possibly convince people could fly! Our challenge was to flirt, seduce and ultimately pleasure the Maiden! Surely a bit of loving could convince her to share her epics…...as long as we did an epic performance for her.
In we stepped, all members making sure they had brought protection…shields, armor and condoms.
We all spread around her so she could get a good look at each of us. She asked Grievance to go in 1st so she could look..but this turned out to be a big mistake and a trap. One look at Grievances face was enough to send her into a frenzy. She didn’t appreciate being chatted up by a female and as a result she swung her handbag into the face of our female main tank. Damogran our rogue stealthed in and tried to take her from behind but this was a fatal mistake. Obviously the Maiden did not like surprises and hit him with a holy attack. Now the fight was on, the challenge had begun and like with any woman it just takes commitment or Rohypnol to win them over.
We were throwing in all our special moves even to the extent we introduced 2 pets into the action. A risky maneuver I might add but we needed to weaken her and maybe the nimble paws of the cat could slip in a few pills before she noticed. Fronda was doing his best John Travolta impressions. Battleguard was trying to lull her into a sexual frenzy by impersonating Barry White…though his attempts ended up more like Barry Shite.
A few minutes passed and she was a tough cookie but we got what we came for! Each and every member deserved a piece of the action and fulfilled their part of the challenge. You can view the picture of each and every member receiving their ‘Epics’…if you know what I mean!
Last Updated ( Monday, 18 August 2008 08:59 )
Moroes Slain
Written by Administrator
Thursday, 22 February 2007 21:07
It was a night of mixed emotions as we ventured even deeper into the rooms of Karazhan. Some would say misfortune, others would describe it as distraction and a small fraction of the guild would call it a Traitorous act. I reserve judgement at the latter opinion.
To start the night off, Fronda nearly arrived late after thinking we were off to Kazakstan and if it wasn’t for the AirHostess who refused to permit him onto the plane “No Dead People allowed” then he would have had to spend the night with Borat, most likely tops and tails.
This was then followed by Scorillo being pissed on by a dog in his Treeform. He was shouting and screaming that piss stains do not come out easily and it took us up to 10 minutes to calm him down, dry him off and to explain that “being in Treeform attracts such things” 20 minutes after the incident we later found Scorillo actually enjoying the stench and he was trying to squeeze some of the ‘Dogs Present’ into a little [Imbued Vial]. He defended himself by saying that such an ingredient can make a legendary potion. We are awaiting a GM/Blue response on this matter.
The third incident of the night involved a traitor amongst our ranks. Without knowing who this could be or how they had penetrated our defences. All we could do was sit tight and wait for the perpetrator to make his first move and ultimately his 1st mistake. If we spoke of a traitor surely he would flee by faking a headache, faking a disconnect and therefore be long gone before being apprehended by our Members.
Thus the night unfolded. Slowly but surely we moved from mob to mob, it was all going beautifully. Everyone was fully buffed up, had their pots on and were doing what we asked…but then it happened. In the blink of an eye 2 mobs from nowhere appeared. Surely they had been informed of our presence….information revealed by our very own!
Reacting quickly to the situation we tried to pinpoint the culprit! He must have enticed them near by the flash of his behind or a show of leg and this subtle device would have been missed even by the sharpest of eyes. Sadly our reactions to the situation could not avert the impending doom we faced upon us…..wipe...10 lifeless bodies laid there on the cold stone floor…1 of whom would be viewed as a Martyr by our enemies!
As we resurrected and ran back, SkScotchegg noticed a small piece of paper that was now being held by the bones of it’s once living owner…etched onto the parchment were inscribed the words:
We are currently investigating this Crime and we will hopefully have a name. We have employed the Shattrah photofit service to create a mugshot (as seen on the left) of the suspected traitor. If you have any information please direct to it to my mail box.
Anyhow! Onto the boss!
The setup of this fight was slightly different to what we had seen before. Gone was the Prot warrior and in came a holy Priest. We changed the tactics so that we would have 3 Crowd Controlled whilst Rinoul (rogue) would tank the Shadow Priest. This was then nuked down by the raid. The Garottes we controlled nicely. Both the warriors (Grievance and Hiku) got most of the Garottes followed by Rinoul and also the traitor..I mean Battleguard got it. We managed to DPS the Adds amazingly well and were very quickly on the boss.
Healing worked a charm with everyone ‘HoTing the Garotted players.
Baroness Dorothea Milstipe - Dead Lady Catriona Von'Indi – Dead Moroes – Dead Baron Rafe Dreuger – Dead Lord Robin Daris – Dead EPICS
2 Months without an Update?! Jesus Christ I’m slacking. It’s not because I never had any news to deliver, it was due to me forgetting my password :S
But all is back to normal and the news can begin flowing again…..probably straight into the toilet considering most of you think it’s a piece of sh….
A lot has changed over the passed few months. Christmas has been and gone. The new years resolutions have been made and forgotten a day later. Grievance received his Thunderfury with the help of ‘Sancitity’ an Alliance guild on our Server. Thanks a lot Fellas!
However the most important piece of information of the year for the majority of World Of Warcraft players is the release of the Burning Cruade. More Levels, more zones, more epics and the introduction of a homosexual character for the Swedish mafia!
I bet most of you have been tirelessly refreshing our page hoping for the latest installment of our guild progression. Well you can let your finger relax finally and now revel in our latest kill – Attumen the Huntsman!
1st Attempt ever and we completely nailed this son of a bitch. We had been keeping our eyes on the new locations that were going to play a pivotal role within Burning Crusade and therefore we were heavily prepared for this fight.
It was back in December when we had learned about Attumens loyalty and almost sick love for his Horse. He likes to call it ‘Mrs Attumen’ but we were going to stay with ‘Midnight’. We were disappointed to find out it wasn’t a talking horse and maybe if it had turned out to be able to speak fluent English then we would have spared it’s life. Possibly toured the country as a freak show with the main attraction a horse that can not only talk but also sing such hits as “I’m too sexy” and also the Karaoke favorite ‘Angels’ by Robbie Williams. Krabat would be the side attraction with his parculiar cube head (You can often see him standing around in Shattrah city. Just look for the Cube Head)
Realizing our disappointment at the fact we couldn’t use the horse to make money like we did with the Elephant Man. We decided that this animal should feel the full brunt of our disappointment. We had to select the best group to initiate the attack and there was no better than to have Rinoul the bitch rogue in our arsenal.
As a young girl, Rinoul was often bullied. You see back in her day, which I think was 1920 or something. Any child that lived on a farm was seen as an outcast. Many critics blamed her wonky eye, fat lags and her use of the WASD keys to turn as the root of her abuse. But I’m convinced it is because she is Danish. Day in day out she would be abused by the local children, the ice cream man, the postman, the neighbours dog, the goldfish at her grandmas and also the local priest. The constant abuse slowly tipped her over the edge. She couldn’t handle the abuse no more and she soon went crazy. It was during her days of watching over her fathers farm that she was able to vent her frustration….right into the face of her fathers horses. Rinouls favourite movie is ‘Blazing Saddles’. I must stop you here and tell you it is not because of the farting sequence but because of the scene involving a man punching a horse in the face. She was inspired. She felt invigorated when she sunk her knuckles into the horses face….
Anyhow to cut a long story short this is why we thought it was best to take Rinoul. She had experience with punching horses and we also felt she had the determination to kill one! Good on ya Mongo!
So we went in, punched his horse around for a bit. Attumen jumped on his horse trying to run away but the punches inflicted didn’t allow the horse to run. It’s legs were like jelly and in a few minutes they had turned from jelly to glue.
Our 1st ever Epics within Karazhan were as follows:
Gotta say the re-spawn rate of the mobs is a right pain in the arse, but I am sure that gradually we will have more boss kills to list here. We did kill the Random animal spawn but it was a complete waste of time because the drops were crap.
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